More Ways To Feel Dumb

So we’re going to France next month with the entire family in tow and because I don’t want to feel like a complete touriste, I’m learning some French. I can currently say the following three sentences after having studied at least sort of diligently all summer.

Why yes, I’d love monkey thighs for dinner.
Really? I took a dump in your tuba?
Please pass the mashed laptop computers.

I’m going to be quite The Ugly American.