An Experiment In Scotch

I write to discover what I believe

Category: Humor (page 1 of 3)

Do Not Procrastinate

Nothing like working on work until after 10 PM and still needing to write a blog post. This has been one of those Sword of Damocles and it just took until 8:30 to fall. Still, in the grand scheme of things, I rarely have to work late and I got to do it from home tonight so all is not lost. There will be precious little creativity in this post though.

Daylight saving time happened this week and so far, none of the people I know on Facebook have killed anyone, mostly because they are too groggy and melatonin inhibited to take action. I rarely hear arguments for daylight saving time but the NY Times found at least two people who were willing to take on the task. The most novel support? Steven Calandrillo, professor of law says criminals love darkness and they also are late to bed and late to rise so eliminating one hour of darkness will lower the crime rate. Of course, it’s the same number of hours of darkness still a point apparently lost on Prof. Calandrillo. He must be running for District Attorney somewhere.

Apparently, there is a somewhat significant increase in pedestrian and cycling fatalities around the time change both in the spring and fall. This makes sense to me because had there been a cyclist in the right hand lane on my way to work yesterday doing the things cyclists often do like getting passed but then moving to the front of the line at stoplights causing us all to have to pass him again, I would have gladly run him over in my sleep deprived state. However, our professor of law uses these stats along with his assertion that it’s the change to blame to argue for keeping daylight saving time all year long. That sounds tautological to me. And it makes me homicidal.

David Gerard, economist, argues much the same thing, that it’s the change that causes the problem so we should get rid of the change by keeping daylight saving time. But if it’s the change and that change is something we artificially introduced, why not just go back to the way it was before when we all lived in caves?

Then we have our novelist who puts forth no argument at all but waxes poetically on the futility of mankind to change the world around us, comparing daylight saving time to the Panama Canal and the Hoover Dam. Of course, neither of those two things will cause me to run over a cyclist but still.

Unsurprisingly, few of these people have what many of us consider “real jobs”, the ones that require you to get up at 6 AM and be at work at 8 AM. My guess is the NY Times couldn’t find any plumbers or police officers who had MBAs and thus wouldn’t seem so fancy. In the meantime, I suppose we’re all going to have to get used to it since we can hardly expect our Congresscritters to unpass a law. Most of them have never met a law they didn’t support. It’s in their DNA. Makes ’em feel important. So we’ll just have to keep running over cyclists and drinking that extra cup of coffee in the morning. Or move to Arizona. But their legislators seem to be even more clueless.

The Wonder Of The Internet

I don’t know whether this is sublime, grotesque or outrageous but I do know it’s hilarious. It also involves Helen Hunt on a nasty acid trip, Hall and Oates singing with a cat and sweet, sweet ending. Don’t worry though, Keyboard Cat doesn’t involve handicap people falling down an escalator this time.

Pigs Didn't Start The Swine Flu

This is what the internet is for, random pieces of entertaining creativity that make you do the air guitar at work.

Hat Tip: The Bitch Girls

Who Mails A Bobcat?

You actually have to go to the link to know what my title means.

Remembering What You Did Last Night

Text messages from last night is my new favorite use of technology.

Current fave TM: (323): just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo.

Solving Your Procrastination Problem

Are you a procrastinator? This blog can really help. I know it helped me write this blog post that I was putting off.

Some Day My Dreams Will Match Reality

On Parking

I'll Ajax The Crap Out Of Your Site

I have no idea if this guy is for real or not but I want to work with him just to watch him “pull your data asynchronously from every orifice of your server.”

That is the sweetest solicitation for a job I’ve ever seen I think. And I say that having seen 2 or 3 solicitations for jobs.

Does Anyone Read These Things?

untitled

Just wondering.

Mugshot Fail

Rodney Stanger, seen here in an undated mugshot photo, is considered armed and dangerous. If you have seen Rodney Stanger or know of his whereabouts, please do not attempt to feed him gerbil kibble or get him to run in a small wheel for hours on end. Call 911 immediately and back away from the cage.

Rodney Stanger is wanted for questioning in the disappearance of Molly Bish who disappeared 8 years ago from her lifeguarding position at a pond somewhere. He is also wanted for failure to pay child support in 42 states involving 528 kids fathered with 51 separate women. He’s also suspected in a botched felching incident gone terribly wrong. Rodney would prefer you didn’t light that match, champ. Armageddon indeed.

Again, Rodney Stanger should be considered armed and dangerous though he may also be covered in third degree burns after said felching incident. If you have seen Rodney Stanger, especially if you have seen him during a nightly newscast, please try to keep your composure and call 911.

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