An Experiment in Scotch

Rod­ney Stanger, seen here in an undated mugshot photo, is con­sid­ered armed and dan­ger­ous. If you have seen Rod­ney Stanger or know of his where­abouts, please do not attempt to feed him ger­bil kib­ble or get him to run in a small wheel for hours on end. Call 911 imme­di­ately and back away from the cage.

Rod­ney Stanger is wanted for ques­tion­ing in the dis­ap­pear­ance of Molly Bish who dis­ap­peared 8 years ago from her life­guard­ing posi­tion at a pond some­where. He is also wanted for fail­ure to pay child sup­port in 42 states involv­ing 528 kids fathered with 51 sep­a­rate women. He’s also sus­pected in a botched felch­ing inci­dent gone ter­ri­bly wrong. Rod­ney would pre­fer you didn’t light that match, champ. Armaged­don indeed.

Again, Rod­ney Stanger should be con­sid­ered armed and dan­ger­ous though he may also be cov­ered in third degree burns after said felch­ing inci­dent. If you have seen Rod­ney Stanger, espe­cially if you have seen him dur­ing a nightly news­cast, please try to keep your com­po­sure and call 911.