An Experiment in Scotch

Typ­i­cally, any­thing with that descrip­tor is hyper­bole designed to incite spe­cific responses.  For exam­ple, if I say that a three-way between two women and a horse is an abom­i­na­tion of nature that God will surely pun­ish, that’s clearly just a sign of my bias against alter­na­tive expres­sions of sex­u­al­ity and an exhi­bi­tion of my clos­eted kinks.

How­ever, Whataburger’s mak­ing sweet tea with some hor­rific syn­thetic sweet­ener like Splenda is truly an affront to all that is pure and holy as laid down in the spe­cific sec­tions of Rev­e­la­tions related to mak­ing sweet tea.  God clearly under­stood the south­ern tra­di­tion and would never stand for such blasphemy.  Sweet tea is made from sugar, prefer­ably in a glass pot on the porch for 3–4 hours on a sunny day.  Any other means of “sweet tea” cre­ation truly deserves to be struck down by the mighty sword of Truth.

In other Whataburger news, the new BBQ Ranch What­achicken is mouth­gas­mic, its 720 calo­ries and 37 grams of fat, notwithstanding.   Sweet Mercy.